Loyalty
by Scarlet-Passion
Summary: Lucifer has risen. The angels are not only fighting off the armies of hell, but also trying to hunt down the Winchester boys, Bobby, and Castiel. But out of all this, the one person that they need more than anyone is missing. Where is Anna?
1. Prologue

**My Immortal by Evanescence.**

**Flashback to Impala: I need you to love me by Barlow Girl**

_Prologue_

"_How I feel inside me… I wish I couldn't feel anything Sammy."_

"I'm driving Dean," Sam stated simply. Dean grabbed at the driver's door, but his brother stood in front of him.

"Dude, it's my car. I'm driving," Dean shot back at him. His voice trembled and his lips quivered. He couldn't fool his brother—especially when tears were gathering in his eyes again.

"No," Sam's voice was hard now.

Dean wanted to argue, but he had to step to the side of Sam and clutch the roof of the car to balance himself. He closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming again. Dean had had fits like this before… where he could barely breath the guilt was so strong. But only when Sam wasn't in the room. He didn't need his kid brother getting anymore stressed.

Dean's free hand clenched into a fist—it was so tight that his knuckles were turning white. He took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes again. Sam just stood, staring at his older brother. He'd never seen Dean act like this… ever. "Fine, you can drive," his older brother muttered in defeat. Dean stumbled around the car to the passenger seat. He wanted nothing more than to sit and stare at the sky… at the earth… It wouldn't help any, but he would at least be able to let his mind drift.

Sam looked at his brother and couldn't help but feel wonder. He couldn't imagine the hell Dean had been going through these last few months. He had to carry this guilt with him the moment he had crawled out of his grave. Just the thought of walking around with a burden like that… Sam brushed it off as he slid into the driver's side and took one more look at his brother. "Dean… are you okay?" he asked.

Dean didn't reply. He had no witty response to cover up his emotions. He simply answered, "I don't know."

When they finally drove into a motel, Dean was numb. Somewhere between the states of Georgia and Maryland, he had been able to flick a switch that sent all his emotions into a black, gaping hole. Dean also hadn't moved for the entire trip, afraid that the simplest movement could make all his guilt come flying back.

Sam had chosen the 'Ferrier' motel. Dean didn't move when Sam cut the ignition and opened the door. "Dean, we're here," he informed his brother.

_I know. _But Dean didn't answer out loud. His mind was still the same, but he felt as if his body was just something he was trapped in. _Tell me to get up, Sammy. Please, tell me to move._

"Dean?" Sam's voice was slightly worried. Dean didn't want to move his mouth. He didn't want to breathe. _Tell me to move. _Shivers ran up his body, he was so exhausted. He wanted to get in bed and curl up there for the next hundred years. He wanted to move. _God, please._

"Dean, are you going to move?" Sam asked with irritation. A little smugness sparked in Dean's chest, but the numb fog quickly overtook it. _Don't ask me to move. Command me._

"Don't you at least want to get some rest?"

_Yes._

"Dean, please move," Sam's voice was full of some emotion that had Dean wanting to beat whoever was making his brother feel that way.

That was enough fuel for him to sit up and open the car door. He didn't speak to his brother, though. Dean didn't want to burden Sam with anything. As he opened the door and the evening air hit his face, he gritted his teeth. He was losing control… losing the numbness. He moved slowly as he stood up and slammed the door of his beloved impala. All he wanted was to get somewhere private where he could be alone. No brother, no angels, no demons… no anything.

He didn't look at his brother they walked to the main office for a key. "Name?" the woman asked.

"Sam Carter and Dean Anderson" Sam replied.

She eyed them from under glasses and cloud of orange hair, "Are you serious?" she asked, smirking.

Sam only stared. Dean was looking blankly at the ground, trying to keep his mind empty. She handed them the key and they exited the office heading up the stairs to room 28. Sam opened the door and stepped aside so Dean could walk in. Dean didn't acknowledge Sam's selflessness, though he did consciously notice it.

He stepped into the motel room and looked up, just out of curiosity. It was a simple motel room, not anything threatening in the entirety of it. That's why Dean couldn't make any sense of the movement beneath his chest. It wasn't physical movement, but it was like his heart was being torn from his body. Dean didn't move for what felt like years… to him anyway.

Sam was looking at his brother intently, but Dean was just staring at the room. His face was void of all emotion. Sam wanted to say something, but before he could get a word out, Dean had fled across the room to the white door that could either be the closet or the bathroom. "Dean?" Sam asked as his brother gripped the doorknob.

His older brother opened the door and reluctantly, it was a closet. _It could do… _but Dean didn't want to worry Sam. Dean walked across the room to the _other_ white door. He opened it and before stepping in, he said to Sam "I'm going to take a shower."

That comforted Sam slightly. At least Dean was going to carry on with his day-to-day activities. At least he was giving an effort to retain his sanity. Before Sam could look up, Dean had already closed the door behind him. He went to turn on the shower, but found that he didn't really want a shower. He then remembered why he was in the bathroom, even though he'd taken a shower that morning.

A dripping sound came from the faucet of the sink. He looked up just in time to catch a drop falling through the air. Dean suddenly straightened up. He stood with his back stiff, just staring at the faucet. He closed his eyes, trying to being himself back to reality.

_Screaming… pain… breathing…_

Dean shut his eyes tighter. _"Very good my student…."_ That familiar voice made shivers run up Dean's spine. _"I don't even think you have to be a demon, Dean. You already have the talent in you."_

Don't say that… please…

_"It's nothing to ashamed of. You're in your true home. Be happy about it."_

And he had been happy, for those ten years…

Dean's very soul twisted with something that made the guilt feel like heaven. _You're disgusting. _Uriel had said.

He can't know…

_I'm an angel, smartass. I know everything. And I know what you did in hell. How can you live with yourself, defiling an __**angel**__ with the darkness of your soul? _Chuckles had asked with a smirk across his face.

I… didn't…

_Didn't what? Mate with a girl, who only saw that pretty face? Who figured that you were good, even after all that torture you put those all those __**souls**__ through?_

"I never did anything…" but it wasn't enough. Tears spilled out of his eyes like waterfalls. _I ruined Anna…_

Dean screamed with his mouth closed. He wanted to drown; he wanted Cas to throw freaking lightning at his face. Dean wanted to die… he wanted to be punished _again_. He deserved it.

_All the screams… _Dean fell to his knees… _Anna's breathe in his face… _he clutched his head in his hands… _Cas's sorrowful look… _his eyes blurred, blocking off all his vision… _Sam's face of shock… _something like gasping hit his ears. There was no one with him… the door was closed…

It was Dean… he was… sobbing.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He didn't know who it was to. Maybe it was to Cas, for constantly insulting and shouting at him. Or maybe his brotherly instincts were kicking in… he couldn't protect Sammy from the truth of their life… and now he was turning into a stranger that Dean didn't even know. But it was Anna's face that was in the back of his mind.

It wasn't angry… or sad… more peaceful—surprisingly enough. It looked so familiar to him. His mind created a scene for Dean that distracted him for a few seconds…

_Dean and Anna were sitting in the impala. They were rather comfortable, even if they were constantly slipping on the leather of the seats. _

_Anna was leaning into Dean's chest staring out the window, into the night sky. Dean was looking through the windshield, his eyes staring blankly out into the night. All the while, Dean absentmindedly stroked Anna's arm with his hand. _

_He brushed his fingers along her arm like a paintbrush on the wall. "I've never felt something like that," Anna commented._

_"What?" Dean asked, smiling. _

_"Your hand…" she trailed off. Dean looked to what she was talking about. He automatically stopped, thinking it was making her uncomfortable._

_"No. Don't stop. It feels… nice," her cheek moved against his chest. She was smiling. Dean laughed as he continued to stoke her arm. They sat there for a little bit longer before Anna spoke up again. "Is this how I'm supposed to be feeling?" she asked._

_"How do you feel?" Dean asked her._

_"Like… I don't know… let's just say that with every other man I've been with, it's never been quite like this," she replied._

_That made Dean's mind start working. "Is that in a good or a bad way?" he wondered._

_She giggled against his chest, "In a good way. I just feel… I feel like I have nothing to worry about. I mean… every time I'm… with a man, I usually get up five seconds after it's over, worrying about what was going to happen tomorrow," she explained._

_Dean waited for her to continue._

_"But… with you… I mean… I'm still worrying about tomorrow. I mean, God only knows how much I would give just to stay __**here**__"—she put emphasis on the last word—"but, I don't really want to leave… not earth, I mean. It's just… I don't know."_

_Dean had stopped stroking her arm. He was sitting, frozen beneath Anna's body. He wasn't shocked because he was afraid of her feeling that way. Hell… it was completely different for him too. But… "I don't bother you?" he asked, his voice trembling._

_Anna rolled over on top of him so she could look at him, face-to-face. Her face was serious as she asked, "What do you mean?"_

_Dean felt guilty for ruining Anna's peace. For God's sake, the girl was going to be killed by two of her own kind, and Dean had the nerve to bother her. "I… I…" but he couldn't speak. It meant talking about the one thing that hit his very core, and he wasn't ready._

_She crawled off of Dean and sat beside him on the seat. "Are you asking me if what you did in hell sickens me?" she asked her voice hard._

_Dean just stared at her, asking the question again. His green eyes met her brown eyes with pleading—begging her to answer his question. _

_She leaned into his ear and breathed, "No."_

The beautiful memory brought some comfort to Dean. He hadn't taken his shower yet. He had slumped against the wall and was on the floor, letting his mind drift.

"But everything I did…" he spoke the words of the memory.

_"You did it out of desperation. No one else in the Heaven, Earth, or Hell could've held out for that long."_

"That's the point. I should've held out longer. At least I wouldn't be…"

_"Be what? Dean, you're a good man. The fact that you are feeling guilty means you have a soul."_

"Then what about in the pit? You know how much… joy I got out of it. Where was my soul then?" he asked.

_"If it's anything I've learned while I was human, a conscience doesn't come into play until someone is done committing the act. That's what a conscience is for."_

Dean shook his head. "It's not the same."

"Yes it is," her voice was as clear as a bell.

Dean looked up, but he didn't see the beautiful auburn-haired woman standing before him. "Anna?"

He felt a light brush on his cheek, as some force brushed away a tear rolling down his face. "I never said I was going to leave you."

"You should. After I betrayed you?" Dean asked.

"Dean, I understand. You did it for Sam," she reassured.

Dean shook his head as he whispered, "I'm sorry."

He felt a soft force cradle his head, like warm palms touching his face. "I said this before, and I'll say it again," she said, "I forgive you."


	2. Frustration

**I hate everything about you** by Three Days Grace

"What the hell, Cas?!" Dean demanded. Castiel and he were arguing _again_. Cas just looked down at the ground, letting his charge fume at him once more. "You can't just do something like that!"

"Why not?" Cas asked, genuinely curious.

Dean was exasperated. He couldn't believe that they were even talking about this! "Because it is a sure way to get ourselves killed!"

"And do you think I want you dead?" Cas asked his eyes hard as he faced Dean. Dean knew he had crossed the line, even though he hadn't meant to. There was only one thing that got to Cas—bringing up the mention of death.

Dean had to clench his hands into fists to stop himself from growing even more frustrated, "Of course not."

"They why don't you trust my judgment for once?" Cas wondered silently.

"Cas, I do trust your judgment. Why do you think we've survived this long?" Dean replied.

"Dean, we've stayed alive because of the _information_ of the angels I've given you. You've never followed my _suggestions_ for survival."

"Yes I have!" Dean disagreed.

"All right, name once," Cas commanded.

Dean tried flipping through his memories, trying to find at least something—and of course nothing. But he sure as hell wasn't going to let Cas win this fight. "Uhh…" but his mind wasn't on his side.

"Exactly."

Dean pursed his lips, "Well that's beside the point! You're idea is still completely insane—and not to mention suicidal. C'mon Cas!" Dean shouted.

That's when Sam walked into the room (which was Bobby's demon proof cell) with Bobby trailing behind him. "What's going on _now_?" Sam asked his face in disbelief. They were arguing again?

"It's Cas!" Dean explained. He didn't say anything else as he walked to the other side of the room to cool off. If he wasn't careful, he might end up punching his guardian—and breaking his hand.

"Okay… what about Cas?" Bobby asked. He was completely lost.

"Yeah, Cas. What about you?" Sam asked Cas directly.

Cas looked up at Sam and didn't say anything for a few seconds. Even as Cas had been on the road with the Winchesters and Bobby for weeks, he still had no trust for Sam.

"You are going to tell him, or I will purposely shove you out of this room and into broad daylight," Dean warned him. He didn't mean it, but Cas wasn't sure of that.

Cas sighed in annoyance, still completely lost as to why Dean could be so _protective_ of Sam. "Fine. I think that maybe… we should give ourselves up."

Sam and Bobby's jaws both dropped as they muttered, "Huh?"

"Maybe, if we gave ourselves up to the Angels, we wouldn't be harmed. We would have full protection in this… apocalypse," Castiel explained.

Bobby's face was blank. Sam was staring at Cas, but his eyes were pondering. "That's… a… horrible idea."

"Thank you!" Dean waved his hand in Sam's direction.

"Well of course he agrees with you! He's your brother!" Castiel's voice was rising in volume. He realized that he was becoming angry and immediately took a deep breath.

"That's not the only reason! Cas, you betrayed them! They want your freaking head on a platter, along with Sam's!" Dean

"Again, I ask?" Castiel demanded.

"And again, I say no! I know you don't want us dead!" Dean exclaimed.

"Cas, besides… what good will it do? We've been running from them for that very reason. To _not _get caught," Sam explained in a gentler tone.

"And how am I supposed to trust you, Sam? For all we know you're off with another demon, thinking you're doing the _right _thing. Tell me, have you gotten over your withdrawal yet?" Castiel asked, mocking Sam.

Sam's face turned pained.

Dean saw his brother's face and had crossed the room to Castiel in less than two seconds, "How dare you talk to him like that? HE SAVED YOUR FREAKING LIFE!" Dean spat in Cas's face. Dean knew full well to never disrespect an angel, even if they are out of line.

"And how dare _you _talk to _me_ in that tone? When I've saved _your_ life time and time AGAIN!" Cas shouted his face about two inches from Dean's. There was so much frustration resonating from them, they could've made electricity run through the room.

"HEY!" a loud voice echoed around the walls. Sam, Dean, and Castiel all faced Bobby.

"What?" they all asked at once.

"This isn't gonna help anything! We can't start getting at each other's throats now, especially with what's going on outside," Bobby reasoned.

In a way, Bobby had become the balance for everyone's anger and frustration in the past weeks. He had grown fairly close to Cas, so that they were at least good acquaintances. Bobby remembered when he had first met Castiel:

_Bobby's insides were having a freaking party, he was so nervous. He didn't know why, but he felt as if Dean missing was the least of his problems. There was just something that was making him feel really… scared. And Bobby didn't get scared that easily. _

_Beads of sweat were rushing down his face, and he brushed them away, frustrated with himself, "Damn it, Bobby. Hold it together."_

_That was when he heard a knock at the door. He was shaking slightly, fearful of what was behind that door. He was being such a pansy. Why was he scared of a knock at his door?_

_He inched towards the door slowly and raised shaking hands to the doorknob. As he turned it he picked up the rifle hanging right beside the frame of the door. When he opened the door, and looked out, nobody was there. "Hello?" he asked quietly. When no one answered he asked loudly, "Who's there?"_

_"Bobby? It's you right?" the familiar voice almost made Bobby cry in relief._

_"Sam? Yes, it is me," he whispered, fighting back a smile of relief, "What's my middle name?" he asked, just to make sure it was really Sam._

_"Dibujo," Sam replied. A familiar husky chuckle made Bobby almost collapse in happiness. Both of the boys were here. Thank God._

_They stumbled out of the night into Bobby's sight. He expected only to see two figures, but when Sam had a huge lump on his back, he knew something was up. "Who's that?" Bobby nodded in the direction of the limp body._

_When the boys came closer, he recognized the familiar drench coat. "Castiel?" Bobby asked in disbelief. He stepped aside so the boys could enter his house._

_"Yeah. He needs help," Dean commented. Sam dropped Cas on the couch and when Bobby looked at him, he had to look away._

_"What the…?" he looked to the boys._

_"He got attacked by an archangel," Dean started._

_"And since he's an angel, and can't be killed by his own kind, they gave him the next best thing," _

_Bobby looked at Castiel again "What? Leprosy?" he asked sarcastically._

_"Among other things," Sam confirmed._

_"Chuck said that the Archangel gave him every possible disease known to man. From the common cold to…" Dean waved his hand in Cas's direction._

Two weeks later, Bobby had found a spell that only a psychic could perform. Since the only two good psychics they knew were either dead or too far away to get to, Sam had to be the one to heal Cas of his diseases.

Now, as Bobby stood before the three men, he couldn't help but feel disappointed in both Dean and Cas. "You all need to separate and breathe… that is if you want to survive Armageddon."

Dean was the first to leave. He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Cas was left to glare at Sam, whose hands were shaking. "Sammy, why don't you go be alone for a bit?" Bobby asked him like a real father.

"Okay," Sam muttered quietly. He walked towards the door. When he was passing Bobby, he caught the tears gathering in Sam's eyes.

Now, Bobby was left alone with Cas. "I don't like this room. It's small. I can't spread my wings," Cas said.

"Be happy that you have a safe place at all," Bobby said before turning his back and heading towards the door.

"Why do you love them?" Cas asked.

Bobby whipped around with a question on his face.

"Sam and Dean I mean. How come you love them?" he asked his voice and face truly curious.

"What kind of question is that?" Bobby demanded.

"Well… why do you? I mean Dean is easily angered, disrespectful and so… stubborn. And Sam…" he trailed off. Cas didn't want to hurt anybody anymore than he had to.

"What about Sam?" Bobby asked, his defensive side catapulting in a second.

Cas shook his head, "Nothing."

Bobby gave him a look of disbelief, "You asked me why I love them. Now finish what you were going to say."

Cas looked up, his eyes apologetic. "Sam is weak. And downright stupid, as well as gullible. How could you love two of the most frustrating beings _I've _ever met?" Cas inquired.

Bobby was angry. He did not insult _his _boys. He did not just insult the Winchester brothers. "How dare you?" Bobby asked.

Cas looked at him, confused. He was about to speak when Bobby cut him off.

"Dean may be _moody_. But he has a stronger will than any person I've ever met _and _he has a heart of gold. And Sam… Sam may be gullible, but he's not _stupid_," Bobby sneered. "Sam sees the good in people. He is the kindest soul you will ever meet within a hundred miles. He's just lost."

Cas mowed this over.

"And if you must know, I love them because they're my family. And it doesn't matter if they're not related through blood… they're all I have. All I have to live for. I raised those boys when their father wasn't around and I've watched them become the young men they are today. And even if they do disappoint me sometimes, I know who they really are—and they are _good_."

Cas was silent, and Bobby could tell that even though the angel had heard him, he still hadn't hit him hard enough.

"You may understand the meaning of love. But you don't know what _loyalty _is. Learn it, and learn it fast. If you want to at least fit in with us, you better be ready to stand by _all _of us in the end." Bobby turned his back on Cas without another word.

As Cas leaned against the iron wall, his mind wondered off. Bobby's words had made his heart throb with remorse. He didn't mean to come off as… evil. That's the last thing he should be doing.

And Dean was wrong about one thing—Castiel was grateful for Sam saving him. He just… didn't know… how to let his gratitude… out.


	3. Then and Now

**Epiphany**** by Staind**

Dean almost unhinged Bobby's screen door as he slammed it open and walked out on to the porch. It was times like these that Dean found it hard to understand why his guardian angel was Castiel. They didn't get along at all.

"But Anna and I do," he whispered solemnly. Concern rose up again at the thought of… _her. _It had been two months since Lucifer's rising, and Anna was no where to be seen. No where to be heard from.

Dean took a deep breath. Maybe she was off doing something to help him. It wasn't like she hadn't done this before. That had to be it.

_Or maybe _I _did something to send her off. _Dean could barely live with the thought. Ever since he'd gotten out of hell, he slowly began to lose trust within himself. This was something that only one person knew, and that was only because she had looked at him funny.

_"Thank you for telling me," Anna said gratefully._

_Dean looked at her with skepticism in his eyes, "You forced it out of me."_

_"What?" _

_"You gave me a look. Those eyes of yours… do you have any idea what you could do with those big, brown eyes of yours?" Dean questioned._

_Anna was now officially confused._

_"Your eyes could've made freaking Hitler get a conscience," Dean continued, "I know you're using some funky angel mojo on me."_

Dean smiled at the memory. Anna had visited Dean after Castiel had come back to his vessel—and he hadn't seen her since.

A movement caught his attention. He looked over the rail of Bobby's deck to see a man's face below. It looked innocent enough, but Dean knew better. "You better get the hell out of here, before I pour silver down your throat."

The shape shifter looked up in shock. "How…?"

"Okay. You've asked for it—"

But the skin walker was out of the junkyard in less than thirty seconds. Dean pinched his nose in irritation. Castiel, though he was a complete moron, was useful when it came to helping Dean prepare for what's to come. Now, Dean had skills that not even his dad could dream of having.

It was useful_ and_ helpful.

Dean was surprised that the shape shifter was out at all tonight. According to Bobby, since it was a full moon, Lucifer was resting or something. Dean thought he was going through his demonic/angelic menstrual cycle.

Dean remembered when he had said that to Bobby, it set off a number of tempers. They all just hated being cooped up in that freaking little house. Every single type of protection was hammered into the walls of Bobby's home, but all Dean wanted to do was take a metal crow bar and knock down the walls.

Just to be free. Just to be able to have his life back.

Before the angels. Before Castiel. But Dean couldn't bring himself to say the last part… because the red-headed beauty he found himself missing was something he would never want to let go.

**Stand in the Rain**** by Superchick**

Sam was sitting on the floor of his room. In some distant part of his mind, he had come to his room to just let his emotions out. But when was life ever that simple?

It starts with the agony.

He was clutching his head, trying to keep his mind focused on the real world. After what he did two months ago, he had made a vow to stop drinking demon blood. He expected the detox to not be so bad.

He had gone through it before, so he figured he would be used to it.

Now, as his body trembled, Sam wondered for the millionth time whether he was insane or not. How could he let himself get anywhere near the demon blood?

The detox he had been going through wasn't something that he would get over in a couple of weeks. He had been doing this for two freaking months, and just the thought of that power rush made Sam's mind jump a mile.

Shame followed next.

How could he have not seen this? He was trained as a child to hate beings that did this kind of crap. Sucking demon blood, getting addicted to it… If it had been someone else, Sam had to admit, he would've wanted to hunt it. And that just added to the shame.

He might as well have become the very things that he was raised to kill.

Castiel's comment from earlier ran through Sam's mind.

_"__Tell me, have you gotten over your withdrawal yet?"_

Cas had been right to treat Sam like that. He had done nothing to help anybody. Nothing that sick could've helped anyone. _But all I wanted to do was help people._

Confusion.

Tears spilled out of Sam's eyes as he looked up to the ceiling of his room. Maybe that _person_ who drank the demon blood wasn't Sam. Maybe, just maybe, there was something else driving him.

But why would that something be so focused on Sam for that long?

Sam would do something like this over and over. He would try to convince himself that it wasn't his fault. Life would be okay. Dean and Bobby still loved him, and Castiel would just have to learn to accept him.

But there was always that part of his mind that would remind him that he was responsible, and there as no changing that.

Denial.

How could anyone live with the things he did?

The things he did… It was the nurse's face that always reminded him that he wasn't getting off of the hook that easily.

But there was no way in hell that Sam could've known that what he was doing was wrong…

But then Dean's face would pop into the youngest Winchester's head. There was a way, and that way was standing outside of Bobby's house right now.

Last came sorrow.

Underneath it all, Sam just wanted to… be forgiven. He was understood and he knew he deserved any punishment he got.

But nobody had bothered to forgive him. Bobby didn't bother, since it wasn't his place. Castiel didn't see any reason to. But Dean… even though Sam knew his old brother wasn't mad at him anymore…

He still hadn't given Sam some peace of mind—and Sam wasn't going to ask for it. That was something that Dean had to do in his own time.

But all Sam could do was lie on the concrete floor of his bedroom and feel guilt. It wasn't guilt for the demon blood, or even guilt for bringing Lucifer to the Earth.

This guilt helped him recall something he had said to Chuck the prophet many months before this:

_"All I know is that… he needs help."_

Sam hadn't understood then what Dean was going through. But as the pit in his stomach went deeper and deeper like a hole in the ground, he knew that what he was going through now, his older brother had to handle a lot longer.

And that means that Sam wasn't going to be done with his guilt for a long time.


	4. Issues

Dean was in his room, staring at the ceiling. It was 2:00 in the morning and he had spent the last two hours trying to get to sleep (without much success). He could usually sleep through anything… but not tonight.

His mind wouldn't shut off, as tired as his body was. Earlier, when him, Sam and, Bobby gathered for dinner (Castiel refuses to eat), Dean couldn't stop looking at his little brother. Sam's hair was matted and unwashed. He had dark circles under his eyes and had lost a little too much weight for Dean's comfort.

Not much conversation had passed while they ate, but they might as well have had an argument, the air was so thick with tension. It was almost too much. It had left Dean not thinking about Sam's condition, or even his addiction—because the eldest Winchester brother knew that wasn't what was bothering Sam.

_If I had spent months preparing to kill Lilith, only to be responsible for the death of billions of people because I let Lucifer out of his cage… _"I wouldn't be too happy either," Dean thought.

Dean remembered being trapped in Heaven's waiting room talking to Zechariah about Sam. Dean had demanded what they were going to do to him. They thought they were going to kill him or torture him.

And he had been right.

Well… they hadn't done anything _physically_ to him. "Just a whole lot worse than that," Dean thought out loud. The worries Dean had had two months ago were right to have… Sam was destroyed. His spirit is gone and all that's left is the _torture_ of guilt.

The worst kind of torture.

Dean shivered at the memory of his own guilt (that he had managed to bury under everything else he had to deal with). And as much as Dean hated it, Sam's problems were small compared to what was going on outside the walls of this safe haven. _But the only way we're going to survive is if Sam decides to try and climb out of the emotional hole he's in._

They were all under pressure. And for the first time in his life—Dean had enough pressure to keep him up through the night. _And it sucks. _

Dean sat up and swung his legs out of bed so he was sitting on his mattress. He put his head in his hands.

_"There are plenty of fates worse than yours."_

"My ass," Dean muttered. Being a working stiff on Wall Street was a hell of a lot better than this. Who ever had to kill Lucifer in the history of the world?

The answer is no one. There is only one story, and it's about some archangel (who, of course, was a freaking hammer) putting Lucifer in his cage in the first place. Dean wasn't exactly on speaking terms with the angels—let alone the archangels.

And from what Dean had read about the guy who had defeated Lucifer before, _no one_ can even go near him. He is one of the few angels who actually talk to God face-to-face as opposed to prayer.

Dean stood up and walked over to his window, looking out over the vast landscape that still looked normal. The full moon was huge in the sky tonight. Castiel had explained to Dean that the full moon would halt the Apocalypse for as long as it was in the sky. "Three days," Dean pinched the bridge of his nose.

Nothing was right these days. The crappy part was that Cas only had limited knowledge—even for an angel. That was yet another reason why Dean needed _her. _

Somewhere inside him, Dean knew he had other things to worry about, but Anna always somehow managed to come back to the top of the pile. Dean needed… they all needed her. Anna was probably the most knowledgeable angel that was cheering for Team Human to win this war.

Dean was mostly worried, however. What if she had been captured by the angels?

_She's too clever for that._

What is she was… what with the apocalypse…?

_She's too smart for that._

Dean punched the wall, and as much as it hurt, he wouldn't let his pain show. "Then where is she?" he demanded through his teeth.

He suddenly felt dizzy on his feet. He had to grip the window sill so he wouldn't pass out. Dean yawned, and he felt immediate relief as he walked over to his bed. He was out before his head hit the pillow.

_He was back at the lake. He sat comfortably on a beach chair as he waited for a bite at his fishing pole. But secretly didn't want anything to come. This was perfect, right now, where he was._

_The sky was cloudy, but as bright as a sunny day. _

_He stared up at the clouds and smiled. He grinned as the skies opened to reveal the beautiful crisp blue sky. He stood up and let go of the fishing pole which fell into the water. He held out his arms, as if he was welcoming someone into his arms. He started to rise, but no fear pierced his heart. _

_It was as if he was expecting this. It was like a repetition of the ascension of the son of God. It was as subtly glorious as the one that had happened 2000 years before. Before he knew it, a light was bathing his very being in wave after wave of peace… love… everything good._

_That was why he almost felt like death had taken him when he heard fearful panting. It wasn't coming from him. His arms were still out in a welcoming gesture when something slammed into his chest. He automatically brought his hands out to catch whatever had hit him before it could escape._

_At first he was infuriated that his peace had been ruined… but then he heard that sweet voice mutter his name, "Dean?"_

_He caught site of panicked brown eyes. Shock could be heard in his voice as he replied, "Anna?"_

His eyes snapped open. The green in them were practically singing in mourning of the peace he had lost. Everything that had been bothering him earlier came rushing in, but none of it helped with the one thing that his mind was reeling about.

Anna had been captured.


	5. Demands and Needs

**Innocence by Avril Lavigne **

_Clair was holding Castiel's hand. It was spring. She wasn't as old as the last time he had seen her. Her blond locks were much shorter than they were. She was running, but Castiel could keep up with her just by walking._

_She pointed to a swing set. A smile involuntarily spread across Cas's face as she let go of his hand and ran up to the swings. He walked up behind her and pushed the swing. The sweet laughter was brilliant to his ears. Clair turned to to him and smiled. The dimples on her face made her look like a cherubim._

_She told Castiel to stop. He stopped pushing. When the swing had finally stopped, Clair ran across the playground to the slide. Cas stood there for a moment and just watched. She slid down the slide, laughing again with undeniable joy... and ran back to the ladder. Then Castiel felt a pair of arms wrap around his waste. To anybody else, they would've seemed small. _

_But to him, they were stronger than anything he had ever felt. "She looks so happy," the voice was the most familiar thing in the world._

_"I know," he felt something in that one breathe._

_Amelia rested her head on Castiel's back. "It's perfect. Right now," she said. Her voice was pure._

_"This is heaven," he agreed._

_He turned around to face the woman. He knew that her eyes were going to sparkle brightly and make his heart skip a beat—and that's exactly what happened. Except it was because her eyes were completely filled with blackness._

_"No," he said._

_Amelia smirked, "Oh, yes." She reached behind her back and pointed a gun at Castiel._

Castiel was snapped awake by a banging of his door. The angel didn't even have time to mow over exactly _why_ he was sleeping. Dean stomped over to his bed and grabbed him by the collar, "What aren't you telling me?" he demanded. His face was red with anger.

"What?" Castiel felt an odd sense of... disorientation?

Dean tried to lift Castiel off the bed and shove him up against the wall. That plan didn't go so well since Cas wasn't going to budge. It wasn't funny to either of them.

"Screw this," Dean hissed as he stood up. He stuck his hands under the mattress and lifted it up, dumping Cas on the floor.

"Dean," Cas stood up, "What's wrong?"

"What did you do with Anna?" Dean hissed.

That made Castiel stop. He hadn't told Dean about that. "Why?"

Dean walked up to Cas and stood looking down on him, "Because she's scared. That's why. She's running from something in heaven, no doubt!"

Cas shook his head, "How do you know?"

"It doesn't matter!"

"Dean. I had to capture her. I was under orders," Cas explained.

It was indescribable how much Dean detested those words. It made him shake slightly with something strong enough to make his temper rise far past annoyed. "Tell me where she is and how to get her back, you sanctimonious fanatical kiss-up."

It had gotten on Uriel's nerves. And Dean wanted nothing more than to make Cas tell him what he wanted to know.


End file.
